onlytheantscansaveusnow

Content note: allusions to suicide

I saw this video pop up in my YouTube recommendations a few weeks ago. Without watching it, I pasted the url into a Google doc I have open for notes and that, and I only watched it through a couple times tonight when I had my studio session.

I related to a lot of this and I thought it was a nicely made little video. I tried to look into the Youtuber (Sisyphus 55) to make sure they weren’t a right-wing nutjob or anything (as any Normal Person does when they see something cool on the internet) and they look clean (!!). They talk about philosophy and depression and they’re really into Albert Camus (hence the channel name).

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There’s a bit of residue from a sticker on my laptop where my hand rests. I pick at it and scribble on it sometimes, but I always get bored or it makes my nail feel icky and I stop until I absent-mindedly pick it back up another time. One day it will all be gone through this weird ambient routine.

Anyway I filmed myself doing that in close-up and also wrote this bit of text.*

*I’m a big fan of this sort of one-shot poetry stuff! It’s nice to have something you make quickly and chronologically and not edit it (or skim-edit it)