Despite already being the most unreliable creative project going, I would like to state here that I’ve decided to retire onlytheantscansaveusnow for the time being – and perhaps forever.
I’ve been struggling creatively for a while now. I can’t come up with ideas and resent the idea-generation-exercises I used to relish and rely on. I don’t enjoy performing, or thinking about performing. I have finally worked out an existential disconnect I have with conceptualising an artistic future or ‘career’ for myself. I think I have ethical and political qualms with art-making against a backdrop of total global crisis. I couldn’t see how I would be able to carry on plugging away at this in the way I am, and though it grinds my teeth to tackle such a cliche, I do feel I need to ‘work on myself’ before I can work towards anything like my goals of further research as part of a PhD. So all things considered, I think the best thing to do is call it here.
This isn’t to say that nothing like this will be picked up again in the future or that I don’t still have some of the same goals – it’s just that it’s less in a way of like ‘putting this on the back burner’ and closer to ‘taking it off the stove altogether’. Like, it could of course get put back on the hob – but it also could not.
I’ll be focusing my time and energy on other areas of my life for a bit, and if I do make anything (which I’m not putting pressure on myself to do), I’m going to try and ‘start from scratch’ whatever that means(!!).
I am genuinely excited by the prospect of trying to find another life goal, after telling myself that ‘I have one, I just have to grind towards it’ for such a long time.
Ever since I’ve been interested in modes of failure in performance-making, I knew there was always going to be a metatextual element to my fascination. Boredom, dissatisfaction, jadedness, fear, procrastination, shame, lethargy, lack of motivation – all modes of failure which I have consciously, unconsciously and inevitably employed while working on-and-off over the last 6-7 years. One day, maybe (perhaps even ‘hopefully’) that will be folded into something, or worked out – for now though, I’m employing that most unambiguous and yet exciting failure of all; giving up.
This website and the YouTube will stay here with everything as an archive, mainly for myself, but if anyone ever needs to share anything then go ahead. Social medias have already gone/been switched to personal. You will still be able to get me on onlytheantscansaveusnow@gmail.com if you need anything.
Sincerest thank you to anyone who has read, watched, replied or contributed to anything I’ve done, and especially thanks to those who’ve helped directly – you know who you are.
All the best
only jord x
onlytheantscansaveusnow 